Guide on how to be come a Satanist

First, you'll need to be White. Don't ask me why, it's a pattern, trust me. But, I think it's because more White people have money, which in turn, means they have little to worry about so become bored. For example; people in Darfur aren't bored, they have to worry about trying to find something to eat or not getting hacked to pieces because it's a Wednesday, so rarely do they turn to Satan and play Halloween everyday. Paris Hilton is bored.

Second, a deviant sexual side...which boredom also comes into play. These sex sickos have no idea what love is so are always looking for more extravagant ways to satisfy themselves. Of course, without love, they never will be satisfied and reach a point where they want to be tied up and mutilated like an animal, or they want to tie up and mutilate another human being. If they call themselves Satanists and meet other whack-jobs with the same tastes, then they feel they can justify their diseased ways by calling it a religion.

Third, hide true wimpiness behind tattooes and black hair dye. If you're a big wimp but want to look like a badass, become a Satanist. It doesn't matter if you actually believe in Satan or not, just say you do. People will think you're evil and evil equals badass. Invest in some type of boots, preferably of leather and they must be black. Well, anything black is a must, really; black pants, black shirts, black eyeliner. Red is only okay if also worn with something black.

Whips, chains, skulls and inverted crosses make great accessories but make sure they're silver. Satanists can't wear gold, I think it kills them. Oh, wait, that's werewolves, right? But with silver...nevermind.
And tattooes are a must. I repeat, a MUST. No self-respecting Satanist would be caught dead with unmarked skin. Get tattooes of spiderwebs, more skulls, pentagrams, 666, grim reapers, etc, you get the picture and listen to death metal music. If you don't really like it, because c'mon, who does?... just pretend you do, all the other Satanists are pretending, too. When no one is looking, you can pop that CD of Barry Mainlow back into the your stereo.

And, I think that's pretty much it. Congratulations, you're a Satanist!

your so full of shit!!!!!!!!

Ah the stink of ignorance. How foul it smells.

First, you'll need to be White.

I've run into Satanists of other races, though it does seem to be true that a majority are white.

Don't ask me why, it's a pattern, trust me. But, I think it's because more White people have money, which in turn, means they have little to worry about so become bored. For example; people in Darfur aren't bored, they have to worry about trying to find something to eat or not getting hacked to pieces because it's a Wednesday, so rarely do they turn to Satan and play Halloween everyday.

I'm sure the people in Darfur would rarely post sarcastic messages about Satanism in Internet forums either.

As far as I can tell, most Satanists don't "play Halloween every day." Many of us have normal jobs.

Second, a deviant sexual side...which boredom also comes into play. These sex sickos have no idea what love is so are always looking for more extravagant ways to satisfy themselves. Of course, without love, they never will be satisfied and reach a point where they want to be tied up and mutilated like an animal, or they want to tie up and mutilate another human being. If they call themselves Satanists and meet other whack-jobs with the same tastes, then they feel they can justify their diseased ways by calling it a religion

Some Satanists are into kinky things, others have quite ordinary sexual tastes. Regardless of our own tastes, most of us would uphold people's right to their individual sexual tastes. By the way, BDSM does not in general involve "mutilating" oneself or others, and it is incorrect to assume that only a person "without love" would be into BDSM.

Third, hide true wimpiness behind tattooes and black hair dye. If you're a big wimp but want to look like a badass, become a Satanist. It doesn't matter if you actually believe in Satan or not, just say you do. People will think you're evil and evil equals badass.

I'm sure there exist kids who become "Satanists" for precisely the above reason. But Satanism is not, by any means, limited to "badass" kids.

Invest in some type of boots, preferably of leather and they must be black. Well, anything black is a must, really; black pants, black shirts, black eyeliner. Red is only okay if also worn with something black.

Whips, chains, skulls and inverted crosses make great accessories but make sure they're silver. Satanists can't wear gold, I think it kills them. Oh, wait, that's werewolves, right? But with silver...nevermind.
And tattooes are a must. I repeat, a MUST. No self-respecting Satanist would be caught dead with unmarked skin. Get tattooes of spiderwebs, more skulls, pentagrams, 666, grim reapers, etc, you get the picture

Sorry to disappoint, but I have not a single tattoo.

and listen to death metal music. If you don't really like it, because c'mon, who does?... just pretend you do, all the other Satanists are pretending, too. When no one is looking, you can pop that CD of Barry Mainlow back into the your stereo.

Quite a few of us are rather fond of classical music, actually.

Being a satanic is about a belief in how things work, it has nothing to do with your appearance. Though some aspects of satanism are based on sex appeal, You are not a satanist because you wear inverted crosses and black clothing. People like the person that started this topic contribute to the typical propaganda spread by psychotic Christians to scare away curious civilians. If you want to be a satanist, found out what the religion is. First look up the difference between a theistic satanist and a Regular satanist. Pick which one makes more sense and pertains towards you. Then do your research. A very strong suggestion that should be met by all satanists is that you read "The satanic Bible" written by the Black pope Anton Szandor LaVey. Any logical Satanists that wish to discuss the religion please contact me.

People like the person that started this topic contribute to the typical propaganda spread by psychotic Christians to scare away curious civilians.

I would be more inclined to guess that the person who started this topic is a mainstream atheist, or perhaps a Pagan, than a typical anti-Satanist Christian. Be that as it may, the poster is certainly ignorant.

Anyhow, regarding the original poster's claim that Satanists need to be white, I've recently noticed what seems to be an increase in the number of African-Ametican theistic Satanists joining my local Meetup group in New York City. I suspect that this trend will continue.

By the way, my term for what you call "Regular Satanist" is "LaVeyan symbolic Satanist."

I would love just to stab you... YOU ARE A DIKRON!!!

Apperently you will never be a Satanist and all that crap you just said. wtf man.
I know some Satanist would talk to demon and etc. but they also can make a different type of contract that only the most craziest can ever do. They don't even have to be Satanists.
All you told us is like being Goth or Emo...